This is just for information

It starts with the feeling of shame when I decided to analyse myself. I wasn't feeling any shame when the person started slapping me when I put fire on his hay, since then the hay had different faces but the subject was just the same.

No nostaligic feeling came to me whenever it got repeated but the sense of awe was their which converted to anger and finally to confidence but never shame. The people related to me and who witnessed the same felt shame and and the culprits started trembling in front of me but I wasn't.

Then the boy decided to convert him from a monk to satan but still the problem of sophisticaion comes in between him and the revenge. He didn't forgive, he just forget to forgive.

The confidence in him made him non-beliver and started to built up to such a level that he started reading books like "shame" for the feeling of shame. When I was a child my parents told me that shame is manners and that is what have got me. When I try to show manners it became sofastication instead of shame and when I understood that the time has already passed away and finally I become a homicide who is too restless to fuck the world.

I started "atlas shrugged" and it took me to the world of fantasy where I always wanted to be. I was always trying to be a person who is too selfless when I was teenager and also when I was in so called feeling of love and emotions, and then I read it where I learned that I was projecting what I am not. But these of my feeling changes when my own creativity has been blocked by the books. My analysing capacity finds the statements as axioms and my ass try to grasps them not to avoid them and then the fantasy takes me to Hogwards where finally I have dreamt to live with Hermione Granger.

Even one day when I was sitting with Hermoine Granger alone in a mathematics class just as close as I am to my own self. I could smell even her parts and feel the thing which a boy should never feel after the girl had ............. That was the when I was truly I don't know felt what but that day I again felt the same slap what I have felt when I fired the hay, and the real victim was the teacher and she who felt shame, while nobody knows the culprit. This was again realised by me years later when I saw Dev D.


The slaps went on from home to school, class to hostel, trip to inertia, lansdowne to varanasi to pune to ahemdabad to delhi to every where I went. and the story is still going on.

THIS IS JUST FOR INFORMATION

Deepak Agarwal

for our departure

Once upon a time when we were together
Once upon a time when we loved each other
Once upon a time when we screwed each other
Once upon a time when we abused each other
that time is fading away as memories

Once upon a time when dialect of reasoning was dark
Once upon a time when Pet name was our mark
Once upon a time when we were indulge in fight for clarke
Once upon a time your inmate was a shark
that time is fading away as memories

Once upon a time when meaning was faint
Once upon a time when we used to call ourselves as saint
Once upon a time I walked alone in a lane
Once upon a time when they call me insane
that time is fading away as memories


Once upon a time when department was hot
Once upon a time when we learned to pin shot
Once upon a time when conjunction was always, not
Once upon a time when metallurgy was taught
that time is fading away as memories

Once upon a time when I was in love
Once upon a time when I bought a new soft dove
Once upon a time when I was dehydrated
At the same time you all my loving beings are migrated
that time is fading away as memories

Your friend

Deepak Agarwal

THE HAPPINESS

when I see myself, I modify and old song...

Kadam Kadam Badhaye jaa khushi ke geet gaye jaa .....
ye jindgi hai apni tu apne pe lutaye jaa....
bhaad mein jaaye rastrawaad aur kaum doono hi....

This is the true thing which gives me happiness when I want it fully synchronize with my true environment. Happiness doesn't come with the meaning of bondage with the society which is telling one to behave according to them. It is to choose the society according to one's convenience.

I believe that the happiness(like energy) of word is conserved and it tries to maximize the feeling of equality (like entropy). One should not misinterpret this with the feeling of jealousy. If I am happy someone in the universe has to be sad according to the basis of conservation. Its just like the beginning to feel something ends with the end of the same feeling.

So I was talking about the feeling to be happy in terms of oneself only. Their is no need to let others being happy at account of one's happiness. It is like if a society tries to be happy on the cost of a person who is just an iconoclast of the society's customs. It leads to the small happiness in the some hearts but at the cost of sadness of a person's bigger sadness.

If a society is completely happy it means that their is nothing new is going on that will suddenly lose their interest in happiness. And they will become neutral to the feeling of being happy. And in the mean time when people will try to be happy their will be other society of same beings or other creatures who are sad by the same amount, or even the sadness may be distributed between different society.

So living in the society of opposite thoughts is nothing more than a burden. But in almost all cases one cannot just find a better option so one need to follow the rules and regulations of the same society. Even in such cases one must only feels for oneself.

If one like to follow the rules and regulations which one's ancestors have imposed on him/her it will be better for oneself, but still he one need to first to think about himself rather than for the society.

The True Meaining

The things ,that must be known to a man, are not more than hatred and less than love so why go for lesser side go for higher one. The most absurd thing a person can encounter in his life is being in love. All the foolish people realize that they are the soni maheewal of contemporary world and were the best politicians unknowingly.

There is no such thing that create the curosity it is born due to only one feeling of envy and hatred. The person who feel anything about abruptly thinking in terms of humanity they are as wrong as churchill fighting for united states. I only realize after being with one my ever being inspiration and he must never be named as she/he will try to destruct every thought of mine if she/he knew that I have understood her/his trick. Their is no dilemma left for me in realizing the all unspoken words uttered against me.

I never liked dwelling in the abode of understaning with any of my loved one. These feelings are only inserted due to cause of my own vulnerabilty and condenscending behavior. I will not expound everything and I'll let you reason on of everything about being a follower. Their is no point being a heterodox untill and unless you reconcile with the every cynical behavior of mine.

The love of my own feelings and contradictions of my own plastic world is somehow nearer to my own barbaric anonimosity. I want to behave like a cannibal to every person in the world who seems to be pretending for love as doesn't have the meaning of love for himself and his own virtues.

I want to say that there is nothing as absolute love that ever exists and it diminishes as soon as you realize why you love a person.