It started with a fine day. I took breakfast, watched some cartoons, and I have to leave for office at 1400hrs. I was slightly exhausted may be due to lack of sleep but I never intended to. I strolled a little, loitered in my balcony.
Instantly I felt to lie down on my shabby pallet. I slept and again wake up for pissing with a conscious attention of getting slept and wake up again.
My docile self (which is almost all of me) was so anxious to give up to whatever may capture it, but I don't. I slept.
When I wake up I tried to move my hands as fast as I could as I have to leave for the office. But something or may be whole of me was petrified. I wasn't able to move. I was only thinking that I had to leave to office. My mind had picked up a fight with itself. A part of my social sense wanted me to make me stand up but something was keeping me prostrate. I tried to pinch my self to check the reality of the event but my hands were unable to move too far. I pushed the bed with my hands to lever myself up to get down off the bed or to roll aside but the effort turned out to be macabre.
I heard the horn of the taxi that used to take me to the office. I wanted to resist again to my own self. I tried to separate my physical sense from my inner self so that the brawl could sooner be over and I might conquer and prepare my self for the battles of society. I completely wanted to indulge myself into the lustfulness of the world but my senses were not allowing me. Finally, after sometimes I heard the car leaving. But a flail being couldn't help himself.
As I forgot my cell phone somewhere therefore no one was able to contact me. Soon after people tried to search for me. I sleeps naked, without underwear, beneath a blanket where lies new possibilities, the ones that should not be explored in public. Whatever, I felt completely numb. Two of my friend came in from the balcony they saw me lying, I wanted to explain that I couldn't have come to the office because I had a paralysis attack.
That was the first time I understood the severity of my demise when I used the world paralysis in my own mind. I wanted to share it with the angels but I wasn't able to move my lips. I couldn't even deciphered their words. I could only see that they were coming for me. They hold me but I could only respond from the movement of my eyes and even that was very tough. As my room was shabby they called two maids to get it cleaned. Then few more people came and inserted some needles in me. I turned dead. When I wake up again my hands were able to move but with lots of effort. Two of my friends were near me, they supported me to the bathroom. I took bath nude in front of the two ladies and some men. No feeling of remorse or shame ever occurred to me. I was so numb that I couldn't even enjoyed the warmth of the liquid supposed to be water. I can't even have deciphered the nature of that lively substance. The aroma was without any noxious or sweet smell. It may be the effect of numbness or may water really don't have smell.I confirmed it by pissing synchronously. I found a little faint smell into my nose and I finally realized that pure water doesn't actually possess it up to the nuances of my senses.
They all were looking at me with something. Maybe hatred or maybe pity. Whatever, nothing occurred to me at that time. They were running like wild hogs to their predators to give a finally resistance. But I had to be prey and I might have used the wrong metaphor, Whatever, I knew I was going down may be deep down to the darkness of the tough sweet sense arising form a trough in which one needs virile attitude to achieve salvation.
But I was taken away from my path to social salvation. I was physically challenged and mentally retarded. They decided to take me to an asylum. Whatever. An ambulance came down to fetch me. I was more or less dressed like a girl ready for orgasm in her night full suit. The aegis of good job and secured life provided by a Public Service was long gone. My family was called to see my last unassuming looks. I yelled nothing, yearned for nothing. All the fancies of getting something was annihilated.
Finally I saw a white pen with carved pink flower, that still says the story of my desires and whims, kept on my window, which only lingers to the memory.
